Special Ed Roaches

Life in the South
PREFACE: Just before Christmas we found one dead roach and one live roach in our apartment. After becoming hysterical, jumping in the bathroom sink (it was in the cabinet under the sink), and called my mom to find out what to do. My mom said to take a picture of the roach (she knows someone that knows a lot about them) and e-mail it to her. So I told Adam to get the camera, but instead of hunting down the roach and taking his picture, he decides to take a picture of me crying, on the phone, on the bathrom sink. Then off to Walmart at midnight (not the one where I work) to buy like 50 roach traps and all this goopy stuff to put under cabinets and such. I felt much better after laying the traps and the bug people sprayed.



Jump ahead to today:
So, I was walking out of the bedroom and the cat was just sitting there looking at the carpet real funny. Immediately I started freaking out because I was sure it was a roach. So I walk over by the cat, and sure enough there's another damn bug. So I run and get a shoe (had to go fast because I remember how fast that first one ran when we tried to kill it). Now, it took us a while the first time to catch up with the sucker, but this time it had hardly moved, but he was slowly making his way across the living room. So I stomp behind it to see if it runs, nope doesn't change his pace. He wasn't as dark as the first roach either. So here I am on all 4's studying this bug, the cat across from me watching the bug and the bug still slowly making his way towards the kitchen. I ask the cat if she wants to do the honors, and she didn't make her move so I smash the crap out of this thing.

This is where the thought of "Retarded Roach" comes into my mind. First of all (after my readings from before), roaches are supposed to like dark places (not my living room floor at 9am), damp places (carpet wasn't wet), and run REALLY fast. Well this poor roach was SO dumb he didn't know he was supposed to do any of those. I think he needs an IEP. So not only does Georgia have the worst public schools in the United States, they even have Retarded Roaches!

After I called Adam still frantic because I thought we had enough goop and traps to kill all the roaches in the world, he told me it was a water bug! Well, I can deal with water bugs, but where was the water he was going to? Was he going to the fridge for a glass of water? Why was he in the middle of the living room on his way to the kitchen??

Enough on Roach Studies. I can't wait to sell some houses to get out of the retard roach apartment.