101 Reasons why I REALLY hate Walmart

Reason # 51-So Walmart is the closest to us and I ran in there today to pick up some things. There were these 2 kids, looked to be about 15 that were making out in front of the condoms. Too bad the girl was already pregnant! What the hell? Making out is what led to the baby, and in front of the condoms? Hello? Should have used that last time!

Reason #39-Last week I ran in to get some Diet Coke and there was a road rage fight in the parking lot. This SUV was tailgating a car, and the car screeched to a stop and the man jumped out screaming and ready to punch the driver of the SUV. I kept going, didn't want punched.

Adventure in the ATL

So, we were just driving around areas of downtown looking for places/areas we might want to live. Just a few things that struck me. . .We found this really cute area called Candler Park-love it and adorable houses. So we start driving down side streets and looking for houses for sale. We find one that has an info tube so I pull over and have Adam hop out. . .so while I'm sitting in the car I look at the car in front of me and it has a huge bumper sticker that says "Honky." Now the thing that really struck me is that someone who lives in a $350,000 home has this bumper sticker on their old beat up mini-van. I also must mention that in the O of honky there was an outline of the state of Texas. Very amusing. Very confusing. I thought honky was a bad thing?

If you have read my earlier posts, specifically the Speed Humps post, about the million dollar subdivision that we stumbled upon after a soccer game one day, we decided to revisit it today. (this time we were showered and in clean clothes). We decided to amuse ourselves and tour their condominiums. (Now, mind you, this girl from Spfld, thinking condo, thought of her friend growing up in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, huge kitchen, living room, laundry room, formal dining, den, etc. . .for around $200,000.) Okay, so we go into the sales office (with the sign that I thought was 185,000 and was really over a million) and we join a tour of the condos. We were to see a 2 bedroom and a 1 bedroom, starting at 160,000ish. Needless to say-nothing like the Spfld girl was thinking. Of course the one we liked was over 280,000 and like 1000 square feet. Maybe if we cut all our belongings in half and still left our TN house furnished, maybe we would fit. Not 2 bedrooms, 1 bedroom and a "flex" space. But it had bamboo floors! And they are environmentally friendly. Whatever. Then, the tour guide starts talking to each couple on the tour and comes to the single guy with us. He is just looking for an apartment/condo to stay at just 2 days a week when he works in the city, his real house is in Athens. Damn. . .wonder what he does? A $250,000 home for about 2 days a week? I joked with Adam that I was going to play single, pick him up. . .keep this guy at one home and Adam at the other to tap his bank account! Adam didn't think that was very funny. Then we came up with the fact that we actually own 2 places too, and maybe we were just looking for a destination home, somewhere where we could go play. Or, it could be our 'guest house' 30 minutes from where we live now. . . just in case the guests get on our nerves. Or maybe it could just be our weekend house for when we go out downtown. . .Anyways, obviously not living there.

So our quest continues, but we did find more speed humps today! Still makes me laugh, and Mel, makes me think of your "Quickies"

More Vocab

So the manager tonight told me "Make sure you park your car past that cement block so the buggies don't get your car."

So, I stand there thinking, okay are buggies small bugs? Are the buggies afraid to go past the cement block to get to my car? Are the buggies going to get me? Did the buggies just get in town tonight?? So I go to the front window to figure out this buggie situation.

Buggie-is a shopping cart. They can't get to my car because they can't go over the cement block and there is a cart corral next to the cement block.

Quick Question-Is it rude to ask someone what perfume they wear because it smells so mad you want to make sure you don't buy it??? I figure they don't need to know why I'm asking!

Vocab Lesson

So, after working today with my manager and another elderly lady (approx 70) I have a better idea of vocab here in GA.

Iss- As in "Here honey, iss over here." Not even close to it's. As a teacher, writing iss, makes me think of I.S.S. which is in school suspension.

Snot- (no, not what comes out of your nose) as in "No honey, snot over there, iss over here." I guess that would be a compound word between iss and not.

Fixin-Now this can be used in many different ways, usually meaning "I am getting ready to." My fav comment from today was from my manager while we were doing inventory was "I'm fixin to go up this shelf." Meaning she was getting ready to climb up the shelf to check boxes.

Deppo (Think of Johnny Depp-o) his has to be my second favorite. My manager went missing and I went to the front to ask the elderly lady where she had gone. Her reply was "To the deppo." Okay, so I am standing thinking about all the shops that are around us and finally I ask her "Where's the deppo?" "Well, honey (loves to call me honey) iss right across the street." Still wondering, I ask "Where at?" She's then replies "Don't you have the Home Deppo in Ohio?" Oh, Home Depot. I stand corrected. This whole conversation seriously took like 5 minutes for me to figure out what the damn deppo was.

The iss, snot and deppo all came from the same lady. Later her husband stopped in to say hi. I was introduced to him. His name was Billy Jack. That sure explained a lot about her language. Imagine going through your life married to a man named Billy Jack. Here's a better question, why do people in the south use 2 names?

Oh, just one more thing I forgot to mention. I learned this in TN and was reminded of it. For those of you that don't know the Civil War (as I taught 2-3 years to high school kids) is known as the War of Northern Aggression here in the south. They don't even know what the Civil War is. Guess I can't use my awesome lesson plans on the civil war down here!

Everything is a Coke, especially here in ATL where Coca-cola is. Unless you are speaking to an older Atlantian (like again the lady I work with and Billy Jack~her man) she calls it a co-cola. So if you order a Coke here they ask you what kind. Even root beer is considered a coke until you specify.

Special Ed Roaches

Life in the South
PREFACE: Just before Christmas we found one dead roach and one live roach in our apartment. After becoming hysterical, jumping in the bathroom sink (it was in the cabinet under the sink), and called my mom to find out what to do. My mom said to take a picture of the roach (she knows someone that knows a lot about them) and e-mail it to her. So I told Adam to get the camera, but instead of hunting down the roach and taking his picture, he decides to take a picture of me crying, on the phone, on the bathrom sink. Then off to Walmart at midnight (not the one where I work) to buy like 50 roach traps and all this goopy stuff to put under cabinets and such. I felt much better after laying the traps and the bug people sprayed.



Jump ahead to today:
So, I was walking out of the bedroom and the cat was just sitting there looking at the carpet real funny. Immediately I started freaking out because I was sure it was a roach. So I walk over by the cat, and sure enough there's another damn bug. So I run and get a shoe (had to go fast because I remember how fast that first one ran when we tried to kill it). Now, it took us a while the first time to catch up with the sucker, but this time it had hardly moved, but he was slowly making his way across the living room. So I stomp behind it to see if it runs, nope doesn't change his pace. He wasn't as dark as the first roach either. So here I am on all 4's studying this bug, the cat across from me watching the bug and the bug still slowly making his way towards the kitchen. I ask the cat if she wants to do the honors, and she didn't make her move so I smash the crap out of this thing.

This is where the thought of "Retarded Roach" comes into my mind. First of all (after my readings from before), roaches are supposed to like dark places (not my living room floor at 9am), damp places (carpet wasn't wet), and run REALLY fast. Well this poor roach was SO dumb he didn't know he was supposed to do any of those. I think he needs an IEP. So not only does Georgia have the worst public schools in the United States, they even have Retarded Roaches!

After I called Adam still frantic because I thought we had enough goop and traps to kill all the roaches in the world, he told me it was a water bug! Well, I can deal with water bugs, but where was the water he was going to? Was he going to the fridge for a glass of water? Why was he in the middle of the living room on his way to the kitchen??

Enough on Roach Studies. I can't wait to sell some houses to get out of the retard roach apartment.

Back at work today

Life in the South

Well, I went back in to 'Hallmark' today, and told the manager about the customer telling me it sounded like I say Walmart. So now I'm supposed to say "Welcome to Gloria's." She's the lady that owned it that died and they kept her name. Except the laides that I work with think it is so funny that I say Gloria's that they laugh every time I say it. Oh well.

"Speed Humps"

Life in the South

So today Adam had a soccer game (they won) and afterwards we decided to drive around a couple different areas up by downtown to check and see if it is somewhere we would eventually like to buy a house. Well lets see, in the first neighborhood, they didn't have speed bumps, they had "Speed Humps" which I'm sorry just makes me think about bad things. What exactly is the difference between a speed bump and a speed hump? I now know the difference after being able to see a speed hump, but think about the city planners sitting around saying "I don't think a speed bump will slow people down enough, let's make something else and call it a speed hump." Is that how that conversation would go? Interesting thought process of these city planners. I wonder how much they get paid to come up with these things. And then lets make all these huge yellow street signs to put all over this neighborhood "Speed Humps." Does anyone else think this is odd?

The second neighborhood had the local Chinese restaurant on the corner. Every place has to have one! Well, this particular restaurant's billboard claimed "New York Style Chinese Food." I don't even know where to go with this one. It really confuses me.

To end our neighborhood tour we stumbled upon this really cool looking place. There were townhomes, condos, and then some really nice homes. (For those of you that know, think about living in the apartments around Easton just the "square" was not as big as Easton and they are little shops, not a mall. . .Got the picture?). So we turn the corner and see the sign for the sales office. (now back to the beginning, remember we are coming from Adam's soccer game, so he stinks and we are both in nylon pants and sweatshirts) I'm ready to go in and get some prices on these things. Luckily the agent was out in the community. At a first glance at the poster inside the window I thought it said 185,000. I was ecstatic! I thought we found our next home. At a second glance, yep, extra comma 1,185,000. Holy Shit! So, dressed in our sweats we turn around and got right back in the car. We did figure out that those were the huge homes, so we did e-mail them from the comforts of our 700 sq. ft. apartment in our sweats to get some pricing information. (But don't freak out dad, we aren't going to buy until we sell something!)

Until next time!

First Post

Okay, so I didn't realize that myspace made people join, so screw that. Sorry for the inconvience. I feel really bad about it.

So I have decided to join the masses and create my blog. My friend, Heather, has inspiried me! Heather, I think it is fate, I have thought of you like 10 times today!!!

So I have a job at Hallmark and sometimes it really sucks working with older folks. I went and got the job because the sub jobs had been so few and far between and I have been sitting around this darn 1 bedroom apartment coloring and such, so I decided maybe it was time to venture out. Here's the worst part, I have jokes that no one else gets. Or I think them in my head and I can't say them out loud! Like today there was a girl looking for sweet 16 invitations. I had to almost do a double take because I thought it was a boy!!!! This poor 16 year old girl had a mustache! Poor thing. All I could think of when I first looked at her was "Goo" from Billy Madison! (This is how immature I am and this is so the reason that I do not have children yet!)

Then Heather, you again, I had to do a balloon boquet and worked with the helium the fisrt time and popped a balloon. That was super fun! Scared everyone in the store! Plus, not to mention the lady that I worked with told me that everytime I say "Welcome to Hallmark" it sounds like I say "Welcome to Walmart" because my accent doesn't sound like everyone else's! (and we are graded by Hallmark on greeting people. . .how the hell am I supposed to greet people if it sounds like I say Walmart???) She told me she would try and give me "Southern Belle" classes, but I think I am too mean!!
Love ya and I hope you all enjoy the perils and such:-)